A Search For Joy

In The Beginning Well yes, I am going to attempt to blog again! However, this time I'm taking a little different path. Let's call it, "My journal to finding Joy". I've decided to post my entries because I know I'm not the only one out there wondering, "Why am I not happy yet?" By many people's perspectives, on my life, including my own. I should be extremely happy. (What, Missy isn't the happiest person on the planet)? I'm an active church attender, I'm married to the perfect guy, I have 4 beautiful children, a home, my handsome husband is successful in his career, and well let's face it, I'm not that ugly. :) Let me begin with how I decided to search for joy. I'm 33 years young, I often look at my life with a self criticism. More often then not, I nit-pick all the things I feel I'm doing wrong. Yep, I'm a perfectionist. I always want to please others and never make any mistakes. So, I always take the safe road. In consequence, I end up feeling sad, angry, and beaten with my failure. I down right torture myself. In the end I am blinded and do not see the many wonderful blessings I have been given in my life. Sad isn't it. It makes me cry too. It may not be news to any of you, but for me, I just discovered, I am not any where near, the perfect I thought I was. :)I have just recently discovered I suffer from anxiety. (All this time I thought I was normal and on the brink of perfection. If only I could....BE HAPPY). I can look back over my life and see the many instances of my anxiety attacks. To cope with them, I've reacted in two ways: One is, I sleep. When you're asleep you don't have to face it for a time. And two, I go full speed ahead adding more and more unproductive stress to my life. Only to find at the end of the day, I feel angry because my kids made a mess again, dishes are in the sink, again, and Blake if you even think of trying anything tonight, I'm going to slap you. If anyone else ever feels like this, you are invited on my trip to finding Joy. I dare you to be happy, to love your life and love yourself.